Ah, the sweet stench of spring! A veritable bouquet of smells that tantalize the nose until you pick up on exactly what it is you're smelling and nearly heave in the bushes!

Which brings me to my point which is simply: Curb it next time, Kitty.

Nevertheless, I'm excited about the arrival of this special time of year, filled with bad jelly beans, sugar-crusted vaguely-animal-shaped marshmallows, more chocolate then even a perfectly functioning pancreas can stand, and work for all our nation's suffering dentists!

Why don't you all tell me what your favorite thing about spring is, and I'll pretend to be interested, OK?

Well, I hid in my room throughout the entirety of Valentine's Day, as the application of too much pink and too much chocolate is a dangerous combination, as a good too many Februaries with Max have proven. But I wanted to share this little thought I had, as I thought it might ease a few jilted hearts in the aftermath.

Love, as fragile as it is strong, it's a force that connects two hearts through this high stakes game of of Life we call...life. It's a beautiful thing that matures and grows, like a small caterpillar into a iridescent butterfly, waiting to spread it's wings and fly into the morning sky where it will create a feeling of hope for the new world when it gets eaten by a sparrow thus proving that the universe is operating exactly as it should be. Love is the strongest bond two hearts can share, unless they join at the arteries. Love is the moth-eaten but comfortable hammock two people make on the spindly trees of their souls, forever trying to get comfortable and wondering if that creaking means the trees can't support the weight.

And, of course, secure in the knowledge that you'll never have anything remotely that fulfilling in your life, you should just avoid your feelings of incompleteness and loneliness with clearance chocolate in a heart shaped box!

Hope that helped some of you poor lovebirds!

[Private to Splash Women]
Sorry, but I won't be on our little expedition to the alien hell-beast hoedown.

I've got a hunch of my own to follow, which, as always, I do without thought or care to the things others have asked of me! Good luck though!

[Private to Max]
Max, does this castle have some sort of defense system besides whatever ragtag bunch of students they can scrape together after the carnage?

Last night I found our resident rabbit in denial -Not you Max, the black and white one with the big ring- wandering the halls in a sleepwalking daze, scratching at his hands and complaining of pain.

It didn't seem to be something I could do anything about, though, so I sent him back to his room. I should probably check if he's alive, unless somebody reads this and decides to do it for me.

Oh yes! Max and I will be setting up our annual Santa traps in all likely entrance points around the castle! Don't walk too close to the windows, and try not to fall for the delicious cookies and eggnog we'll be setting as bait!

First, in a bit of craft-glue-fume-induced delirium, Max, if Jess says he had a part in it, and I have built a new trophy case for the school, viewable in the student commons! It's made entirely of shellacked parts and the organic glass taken from the aliens we fought some time ago, giving the a place a simultaneous ambiance of Western-Americana and nausea brought about by petty revenge against mindless living organisms!

So let's fill it up with pointless flashy symbols of meaningless competition, children!

Secondly, in light of the recent intergalactic kidnapping brouhaha, Max and I are planning a series of seminars on how the average citizen can do their infinitesimal part to stop crime, and their considerably larger part in protecting themselves from becoming a victim of said crimes!

The Junior Crimestopper Seminars may be bi-weekly depending on if me and Max can be bothered to keep up with the schedule! Students and teachers both invited! First person to call me "McGruff" gets plugged!

See you all there, if you value your hides!

Well, all I can say is that Max and I better not catch anyone making holidays celebrating themselves ever again, or you will be punished. And we mean it.

( Private to Max )

Max!

Quick! Get the school rule book and bring it here! I want to see if turning an entire city into carbon copies of yourself is grounds for any sort of punishment!

...Oh, and bring a pen, just in case it isn't!

You know, this job hasn't really been that rewarding. I mean, I haven't shot up one crowed room of people, I haven't thwarted the harried schemes of any crime bosses, and I haven't raised a single ruckus since I got here!

The sounds of assorted and wanton destruction I've heard from somewhere in the students dorms, however, have assured me that there is some form of chaos happening somewhere in this school. And I can't resist the siren song of a possible brutal arrest!

So, if you come by my office, I've got a new thing! By the door is a box with forms next to it. If you've got a problem with someone in this school, fill out the forms with the name of the person and the crime they've committed, and I'll look into it ASAP!

If any wiseguy out there tries to take the forms, an alarm will sound and the next thing you'll be conscious enough to remember is sitting handcuffed in my office spitting out mouthfuls of your own bloody teeth!

Thank you, and have a nice day!

My favorite legend is the one where the guy hides under cars at the grocery store and cuts womens achilies tendons with a knife and steals their stuff.

'Cause boy, was that guy suprised to find Max and I under the car with him! I'd never seen anyone try to jump up while laying on his stomach under a Volvo! Criminals sure are easy to capture when they've subdued themselves...Although it's not as fun.

Hmmm...It looks like Max went home! Poor little guy must have gotten claustrophobic all cooped up the room all day, at least if the bullet holes in the walls are any indication. Poor little rabbit gets so bored without a lawbreaker to shoot at.

I didn't even see him go! I hope for his sake he didn't just dive out the window in a hysterical panic, sending him forever adrift in the lifeless void of space and time until landing alone and defenceless on a world unknown!

Or if he did, I hope he brought a scarf. It can get cold on worlds unknown!

Aw, heck. I hope he writes, preferably something other then the usual scrawled death threats in ketchup on the backs of napkins. But if not, I can always go visit him. After all it's only a few million light years to earth, or where-ever he is! After all, a nice long walk can never do anyone anything but good unless you have a snake bite!

Sigh...I still miss the little guy.